Issue No. 11

Table of Contents



PARENTING

Calming the Angry Child

Whispering works wonders when a child is angry. Simply whisper gentle words into his ear. He will stop crying so he can hear what you're saying.

And, 100% effective on husbands too.

Source: Mary Ellen's Best of Helpful Hints Warner Books, 75 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, N.Y., 10019, U.S.A.

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SELF-DEVELOPMENT

Boosting Your Self-Esteem

One of the fastest ways to feel better about yourself is to do something nice for another person, says author Dr. Susan Smith Jones. It could be as simple as:

In giving to others, we give to ourselves.

Source: Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully, Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, Calif. 94707, U.S.A.

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INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

Responding to Personal Attacks

In discussion groups or public forums, it is not uncommon that speakers get emotionally carried away that they resort to personal attacks of their opponents. When you are the offended party, do not succumb to the temptation of responding with "an eye for an eye." Greville Janner, author of Janner's Complete Speechmaker, says: "It is rarely wise to lower yourself to their level. Your object, after all, is to win your case to convince your audience of your rectitude, of the usefulness of your activities, of the excellence of the way in which you are running the business or, conversely, of your opponent's error. The sharp intellect is a better weapon than the rough tongue. When the theme is laced with incivility, the audience may suspect a lack of factual backing or of self-control or both."

Here are Janner's suggested ways of responding to such attacks:

  • "I am sorry that Mrs. Jones has seen fit to deal with this serious matter in such an unpleasant way . . ."
  • "We will answer each criticism, in turn. We will ignore the personal and regrettably offensive way in which we have been attacked."
  • "Mrs. Green is, as we all know, a kindly woman, and we all appreciate what she has done for the company. We know how deeply involved she is in its success. . . and no one will bear her the least ill-will because she has spoken her mind. But . . ."
  • Janner cautions: "Hostility breeds hostility. Surprise your critics with your moderation, understanding, sensitivity and by listening with care and respect, and their views may mellow. Anyway, it is an approach more likely to succeed than the frontal attack."

    Source: Greville Janner, Janner's Complete Speechmaker. Business Books Ltd., Random Century House, 20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SW1V 2SA, U.K.

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    RESOURCES

    Peace Books

    The Hundredth Monkey by Ken Keyes Jr., Vision Books, 790 Commercial Avenue, Coos Bay, Oregon 97420, U.S.A.

    A book about the "Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon," which shows that individuals can make an important difference in changing the behaviors and thought patterns of whole masses of people.

    How to Handle Trouble -- A Guide to Peace of Mind by John Carmody. Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, 1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036, U.S.A.

    A profound spiritual book on facing pain, fear, anxiety, etc. The author himself has incurable bone cancer when this book was written. M. Schott Peck says of this book: "Wise and discerning . . . and well written. Realistically full of hope."

    Growing Them Up -- The Golden Rules for Being a Great Parent. Indian Book Distributors (Bombay) Ltd., 1007/1008 Arcadia, Nariman Point, Bombay 400 021, India.

    A small manual of 365 one- or two-sentence tips of how to be a parent, like "Focus on learning, and good grades will follow," and "To emphasize a point, ask your child to look you in the eyes."

    Teaching Your Children Values by Linda and Richard Eyre. Fireside Book, Simon & Schuster Bldge, Rockefeller Center, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020, U.S.A.

    A book we highly recommend. The authors divide core values into 12 groups, to be attended to one group per month. It has exercises suitable for pre-schoolers, children and teeners. The book is also available in audio-tape form. Author Stephen Covey says: "The Eyres have distilled in this one volume an absolute storehouse of wisdom profoundly needed today. Their practical, doable apprach really works."

    Compassion in Action - Setting Out on the Path of Service by Ram Dass and Mirabai Bush. Crown Publishers, Inc., 201 East 50th St., New York, NY 10022, U.S.A.

    The first part of this work is Ram Dass' spiritual autobiography that touch on service and the suffering of others. The second part is written by Mirabai Bush on approaches to service and compassionate action. It also has a bibliography of books on service.

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    COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT

    Two Kinds of People

    Here is a verse by Ella Wheeler Wilcox about people who can make a difference.

    There are only two kinds of people on earth today
    Two kinds of people, no more I say.
    Not the rich and the poor, for to know a man's wealth
    You must first know the state of his conscience and health,
    Not the happy and sad, for in life's passing years,
    Each has his laughter and each has his tears.
    No, the two kinds of people on earth I mean
    Are the people who lift and the people who lean.
    In which class are you? Are you lifting the load
    Of some overtaxed lifter who's going down the road,
    Or are you a leaner who lets others share
    Your portion of toil and labor and care?
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    of the trends in our business hasn't appeared in any literature I've seen."
  • "You really made me feel good about myself even though the criticism you gave me was on target."
  • "I liked the way you handled the customer during your presentation, firm but respectful."

    This lack of deserving praise, says Dr. Byrd, may have derived from the way we take our parents for granted. Remember, parents need praise too. And often the praise they most value or appreciate are those coming from their children.

    Source: Richard E. Byrd, Ph.D., Say the Magic Words, Berkley Publishing Group, 200 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016, U.S.A.

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    PARENTING

    Teaching Respect to Children

    Respect is an attitude that should be rooted in understanding rather than fear. Authors Linda and Richard Eyre in their excellent book, Teaching Your Children Values, suggest the following game which parents can play with their children. The parent should play the role of the child, and the child will play the other roles. After acting each role, discuss with the child by asking, "How does that make you feel?"

    Remember, discuss with your child what he or she feels after each session.

    Source: Linda and Richard Eyre, Teaching Your Children Values, Fireside Books, Simon & Schuster Bldg., Rockefeller Center 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020, U.S.A.

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    GLOBAL PEACE

    ARMS EXPORTERS IN THE WORLD

    
    ________________________________________________
    
    
    
    COUNTRY                       TOTAL VALUE US($)
    
    ________________________________________________
    
    
    
    USA                                2,069,000,000
    
    USSR (pre-dissolution),            1,863,000,000
    
    France                             1,018,000,000
    
    UK                                   634,000,000
    
    (West) Germany                       549,000,000
    
    China                                430,000,000
    
    Italy                                311,000,000
    
    Switzerland                           45,000,000
    
    Netherlands                           20,000,000
    
    Czechoslovakia                        15,000,000
    
    ________________________________________________
    
    
    
    World total                        7,519,000,000
    
    ________________________________________________
    
    

    Source: The Top 10 of Everything 1993

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    RESOURCES

    Peace Quotes

    
    Hope is important . . . 
    
    . . . because it can make the present moment less difficult to
    
    bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a
    
    hardship today.
    
                                            THICH NHAT HANH
    
    
    
    If we wish to create a lasting peace. . . 
    
     . . . we must begin with the children.
    
                                            MAHATMA GANDHI
    
    
    
    It is a tragic mix-up . . .  
    
     . . . when the United States spends $500,000 for every enemy
    
    soldier killed, and only $53 annually on the victims of poverty.
    
                                            MARTIN LUTHER KING
    
    
    
    Too often we underestimate . . . 
    
     . . . the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening
    
    ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of
    
    which have the potential to turn a life around.
    
                                           LEO BUSCAGLIA
    
    
    
    For it isn't enough . . .
    
     . . . to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it
    
    isn't enough to believe in it. One must work for it.
    
                                          ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
    
    
    
    I wonder. . .
    
     . . . what the engineers, technicians, and workers who make
    
    weapons all day long for killing their neighbor can possibly be
    
    thinking of. They're not working for a living; they're working
    
    for dying.
    
                                          ADOLFO PEREZ ESQUIVEL
    
    
    
    
    
    The biggest problem in the world . . .
    
     . . . could have been solved when it was small.
    
                                           WITTER BYNNER
    
    
    
    
    
    When shall it be said in any country of the
    
    world . . .
    
    . . .  my poor are happy; neither ignorance or distress is to be
    
    found among them; my jails are empty of prisoners, my streets of
    
    beggars; the aged are not in want, the taxes are not oppressive;
    
    the rational world is my friend, because I am the friend of its
    
    happiness; when these things can be said, then may that country
    
    boast of its constitution and government.
    
                                           THOMAS PAINE
    
    
    
    A psychiatrist found Eichmann "perfectly sane" . . .
    
    . . . Sanity is no longer a value or an end itself. The "sanity"
    
    of modern man is about as useful to him as the huge bulk and
    
    muscles of the dinosaur. If he were a little less sane, a little
    
    more doubtful, a little more aware of his absurdities and
    
    contradictions, perhaps there might be a possibility of survival.
    
                                           THOMAS MERTON
    
    
    
    Senator: Mr. President, I believe that enemies
    
    should be destroyed.
    
    Pres. Lincoln: I agree with you sir, and the best way to destroy
    
    an enemy is to make him a friend.
    
    
    
    Establishing lasting peace . . . 
    
    . . . is the work of education; all politics can do is keep us
    
    out of war.
    
                                            MARIA MONTESSORI
    
    
    
    
    
    If we do not change our direction. . .
    
    . . . we are likely to end up where we are headed for.
    
                                            CHINESE PROVERB
    
    
    
    For centuries, men have left home to go to war. . .
    
    . . . now women are leaving home for peace.
    
                                            GREENHAM WOMEN
    
    
    
    The aroused woman. . .
    
    . . . is unstoppable. We've got the babies.
    
                                            DR. HELEN CALDICOTT
    
    
    
    

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    PEACE EDUCATION

    Building a Civilization of Love

    Teachers can help pupils appreciate a peaceful world by doing the following exercise called "Building a Civilization of Love" designed by Naomi Drew.

    Source: Naomi Drew, Learning the Skills of Peacemaking, Jalmar Press, Rolling Hills Estates, CA, U.S.A.

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    CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

    Should Life be Fun, Comfortable, Exciting and Enjoyable?

    Many people will answer, "Yes." And they grow up believing life should be that way. In the process, they start hating difficulties and adversities.

    Authors Darko J. Hajzler and Michael E. Bernard calls it a "killer attitude," and young people who grow up with this attitude often avoid school work and try to surround themselves with enjoyable activities. "It is a major obstacle to your success and unless you work hard at changing it, you'll find it much harder to succeed in life. . .

    This attitude runs in the face of all the evidence we have about the world. We know that life isn't always fun and exciting and many times we have to do things we don't want to do especially boring and difficult things. By demanding that everything you do in school must be fun and exciting, you make it almost impossible for you to do unpleasant, boring, or hard work."

    What then is the more mature attitude that separates achievers from non-achievers? It is the positive attitude that says:

    "While I prefer excitement and not having to work too hard, when I am faced with hard and boring work I will put off fun and do what has to be done knowing that it will help me achieve my future goals."

    Being able to put off short-term pleasures until the needed task is finished is a vital key to success.

    Source: Darko J. Hajzler and Michael E. Bernard, You Can Do It! Kadena Books, Claretian Publications, P.O. Box 4, Diliman, Quezon City, Philippines.

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    PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

    No Abiding Success Without Commitment

    Best-selling author Anthony Robbins found seven guidelines that work among people who succeed in life. One of them is that "There is no abiding success without commitment."

    If you look at successful people, he says, you'll find they are not necessarily the best and the brightest, the fastest and the strongest, but the ones with the most commitment.

  • Says Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova: "To follow, without halt, one aim: there's the secret of success."
  • What makes Larry Bird one of the best players in basketball despite the fact that he's slow and can't jump? He practices harder and gets more out of his skill than anyone else.
  • Some people thinkthat Michael Jackson was an overnight success. What people don't realize is that he has been working and perfecting his craft since he was five.
  • Commitment separates successful people from the rest.

    Source: Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power, Simon & Schuster, London, UK.

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    INNER PEACE

    How Not to Think Enemy

    Is your business competitor your enemy? Is Luther the enemy of Superman? Is Russia the enemy of United States?

    "Enemy thinking," or labelling somebody as an enemy, is a pattern of thinking in adults or children that create hostility and distrust. "Once you've made people your enemy, you don't have to worry about their welfare. You can destroy them or their area without guilt because that's `the enemy.'. . . When everything else we do with young children is aimed at helping them develop friendship skills, it seems especially paradoxical to have toys that encourage them to think of others as their enemy." says Kathleen McGinnis and Barbara Oehlberg in Starting Out Right.

    Be alert therefore with toys, computer games, or TV programs that tend to foster "enemy thinking." Discuss with your children so that they will be aware. For example, instead of looking at Lex Luther as the enemy of Superman, explain to your child that people like Luther have misguided values and they need help to make them sensitive to the welfare of others.

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    SELF-UNDERSTANDING

    Write Your Own Obituary

    Many of us are not clear about what we really want to be or to achieve in life. Do this simple exercise to help clarify in your mind what you want to be before you pass to the next life.

    Write your own obituary (that is, an account of of the significant aspects and achievements of a person's life to be written after one's death). Here are steps suggested by Dr. Alan Epstein:

    Alan Epstein, Ph.D., How to Be Happier Day by Day, Viking Penguin, 375 Hudson St., New York, NY 10014, U.S.A.

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    CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

    A Family Activity to Build Self-Esteem

    Self-esteem is important in building self-confidence in children as they grow up. Such inner strength helps them cope with criticisms and difficulties in later life.

    Here is an activity for your family suggested by Claudia Jones in her book, Parents are Teachers Too.

    Author Jones further suggests that when the members are comfortable sharing feelings and ideas, one can ask, for example, "What is it that I do that makes you think I'm courageous?"

    Author Jones suggests that this might, in turn, lead to an interesting revelation to all involved that often what we observe or perceive is not necessarily what another person is feeling or trying to communicate.

    Source: Claudia Jones, Parents are Teachers Too, Williamson Publishing Co., Charlotte, Vermont 05445, U.S.A.

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    PEACEMAKING

    The Hundredth Monkey

    The Hundredth Monkey phenomenon explains why individuals can make a difference in bringing about change in society and the world, whether in peacework, ecology, justice, spirituality, etc.

    The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, has been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years.

    In 1952, on the island of Koshima scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.

    An 18 month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers, too.

    This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists.

    Between 1952 and 1958, all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable. Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.

    Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes the exact number is not known.

    Let us suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes.

    Let's further suppose that later that morning the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.

    Then it happened!

    By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them.

    The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!

    But notice. The most surprising thing observed by these scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes then spontaneously jumped over the sea

    Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama began washing their sweet potatoes.

    Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind.

    Although the exact number may vary, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the consciousness property of these people.

    But there is a point at which if only one more person tunes in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness reaches almost everyone!

    The experiments of Dr. J.B. Rhine at Duke University repeatedly demonstrated that individuals can communicate private information to each other even though located in different places.

    We now know that the strength of this extrasensory communication can be amplified to a powerfully effective level when the consciousness of the "hundredth person" is added.

    Your awareness is needed in saving the world from nuclear war. You may be the "Hundredth Person" . . . .

    You may furnish the added consciousness energy to create the shared awareness of the urgent necessity to rapidly achieve a nuclear-free world.

    Source: Key Keyes Jr., The Hundredth Monkey, Vision Books, 790 Commercial Avenue, Coos Bay, Oregon 97420, U.S.A.

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    GLOBAL PEACE

    Conversion for Peace

    Most governments spend tremendous amounts of money on military spending weapons, salaries, research, etc. The United States for example spends an average of US$818 million in one day for military expenditures in 1990. Can you imagine what US$818 million can do each day to:

    What can you do to help convert government funds from military expenditures to constructive and peaceful purposes?

    Source: Richard Zimmerman, What Can I Do to Make a Difference?, Plume Book, Penguin Books USA Inc., 375 Hudson St., New York, NY, U.S.A.

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    INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

    A Kind Word Can Make a Difference

    The following true story happened in a Paris opera house and related by Glenn van Ekeren.

    A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold. The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said: "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support.

    I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment." The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

    The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded.

    Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, "Daddy, I think you are wonderful!" The crowed broke into thunderous applause. Ekeren wrote: "We all need people in our lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, "I think you are wonderful."

    Source: Glenn Van Ekeren, The Speaker's Sourcebook. Prentice Hall, Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey 07632, U.S.A.

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    MANAGERIAL EFFECTIVENESS

    How to Reprimand

    Often are the times in our organizations when we need to tell people that they have erred. And one of the surest signs of a weak manager or a poor parent is the fear of telling people their mistakes or shortcomings. Here are guidelines for giving a reprimand as suggested by best- selling inspirational author Alan Loy McGinnis:

    When you hand out reprimands, be willing to allow others to be quite unhappy with you for a time. To be an inspiring leader, you do not have to be the smartest or hardest-working, but you have to be firm firm in your dedication for excellence.

    Source: Alan Loy McGinnis, Bringing Out the Best in People. Kadena Press, U.P. P.O. Box 4, Quezon City, Philippines.

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    INNER PEACE

    Getting Over Hurt Feelings

    All of us get hurt some of the time. The problem is when we are unable to get over our feeling of being hurt, then we become problems to our family, friends, and to ourselves. This can even become blocks to our success in our career.

    Here are simple steps to getting over hurt feelings as suggested by famous author Norman Vincent Peale:

    Source: Norman Vincent Peale, Inspiring Messages for Daily Living, Prentice Hall, Inc. Englewood Cliffs, N.J., U.S.A.

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    GLOBAL PEACE

    "No War Toys" Merit Award

    An organization in Los Angeles gives out Merit Awards to individuals who mail a military toy to them or those who already do not own any war toy. The Los Angeles Alliance for Survival sends them a certificate (see illustration) and ask them to write a brief note explaining "Why I would rather have a `No War Toys' merit award than a war toy." The organization also assists groups in organizing "No Way Toys" presentation for schools, community groups, churches, and other groups. For information, contact the Alliance at 13 Sunset Avenue, Venice, California 90291, U.S.A.

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    Prepared by:
    Peace Center
    Theosophical Society in the Philippines, 1 Iba St., Quezon City, Philippines
    tspeace@info.com.ph