Issue No. 17

Table of Contents



INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

How to Build Personal Trust

A report issued by the Forum Corporation shows that humility helps build trust with colleagues.

By admitting doubt or error and acknowledging mistakes, managers were felt to be competent. Co-workers thought," I can trust you. You won't try to bluff me."

The report also found that those who were rated highly trustworthy were also rated highly competent. And that to build trust, you must be seen as a collaborator, not a competitor.

Source: Leaders, Allstate Insurance Company, condensed in Communication Briefings, 700 Black House Pike, Suite 108, Blackwood, NJ 08012, U.S.A.

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PERSONAL GROWTH

21 Days To a Habit

Experts have discovered that if you repeat an action every day for 21 days, it will become a part of your subconscious mind. Hence if you wish your child to develop a habit, help him to sustain the behavior for three weeks. Be patient. After that, he will find that he is doing it automatically.

Source: Parents Make the Difference!, P.O. Box 7474, Fairfax Station, VA 22039-7474, U.S.A.

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INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Three Simple Keys to Friendliness

Teach your children simple reminders on how to be friendly and effective in dealing with people.

First, ask them what are the three key words they learned in order to cross streets safely (Stop, Look and Listen).

Tell them that there is another simple three-word phrase that will help them to be automatically friendly and well liked. It is "Smile, Ask, and Listen."

Make "Smile, Ask and Listen" your family motto for this month. Exemplify it to your children and talk with them about it at every opportunity.

Source: Linda and Richard Eyre, Teaching Your Children Values. Simon & Schuster, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, NY, NY, U.S.A.

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PERSONAL GROWTH

What You See Is What You Get

Author Jane Nelson, in Positive Discipline, says:

When you spend 85 percent of your time and energy focusing on the 15 percent that is negative, the negative will grow and the positive will disappear. What you see is what you get. If you focus 85% of your time on the positive, it won't be long before the negative disappears and the positive will grow to 100%.

Source: Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline. Ballantine Books, Random House Inc., New York.

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HEALTH AND HEALING

Health Tips

Here are some health tips from Dr. Susan Smith Jones:

Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully, Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707, U.S.A.

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PARENTING

Self-Awareness: An Important Key to Parenting

Our attitudes and conditioned behavior often determine our responses to our children and their problems. For example, when we are bothered by a problem in the office, we may not notice that we are unintentionally being rude or inconsiderate to our children at home. When we react in anger towards a misbehavior of our children, we tend to be more violent (whether physically or by words) towards them. Self-awareness of our feelings at all times will help prevent unintended behavior which can harm your children.

Here are simple steps towards self-awareness:

Notice any difference between your state now and a few minutes ago. Without trying to change anything, did you become more relaxed and calm?

Try to enter into this state of calmness as often as you can, no matter what you are doing.

When dealing with children from this state of calmness, our responses and decisions tend to be wiser and less impulsive. We acquire greater patience and understanding. We tend to be better listeners when we are aware.

Self-awareness works extremely well not only with our children, but also with our spouse, officemates, and friends. Try it.

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INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

If You Must Criticize

Effective criticism and feedback is a delicate art. When poorly done, criticism will only cause resentment and the person criticized will tend to be defensive and justify his or her actions. Here are some suggestions for giving criticism or feedback:

Source: Jane Boucher, How to Love the Job You Hate. Thomas Nelson Publishers, P.O. Box 141000, Nashville, TN 37214, U.S.A. Condensed in Communication Briefings, 700 Black House Pike, Suite 108, Blackwood, NJ 08012, U.S.A.

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PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

Stand Tall and Feel Confident

Lacking self-confidence?

You may wish to look at your habitual posture. Do you slouch? Bow your head down? Curl your shoulders forward? Sit in knots?

If so, then here is a simple thing you can do to improve your self-esteem: Stand Tall.

Says Catherine E. Rollins, author of 52 Ways to Build Your Self-esteem and Confidence:

"This observation holds true regardless of age, sex, race, physical stature, or beauty: The person with high esteem stands up straight, sits tall, and walks with boldness. The person with low self-esteem slouches, slinks, bows his head down, curls his shoulders forward, and frequently sits in knots."

If you decide to build your self-confidence, make a second decision: I'm going to "move tall" this day forward. Shoulders back and head up. A bold stride. A square-to-the-world attitude .Not only will you gain self-confidence. Here are other benefits:

Source: Catherine E. Rollins, 52 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem and Confidence. Thomas Nelson, Inc. Nashville, Tennessee.

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GLOBAL PEACE

How Can You Volunteer?

Many readers of Peace Ideas want to be involved in some cause that they feel worthwhile, but don't know how to start. Here are some suggestions adapted from Richard Zimmerman's book What Can I Do to Make A Difference?:

Source: Richard Zimmerman, What Can I Do To Make A Difference? Penguin Books USA Inc. 375 Hudson St., New York, NY

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ECOLOGY

Eco-Action Beyond Band-Aids

If you wish to be really helpful and effective in environmental work, there are two guidelines suggested by author Jon Naar which you must always keep in mind:

Source: Jon Naar, Design for a Livable Planet. Harper & Row, 10 East 53rd St., New York, NY, 10022, U.S.A.

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INNER PEACE

Coping With Mid-Life Crisis

Mid-life crisis can take many forms, such as boredom, restlessness, discontent with work, family or leisure, feeling old and negative, directionlessness, sense of futility, fear of death, loneliness, etc.

Here are suggestions by Dr. S. C. Chopra on how to cope with such crisis:

Source: Dr. S.C. Chopra, How to Solve Your Personal Problems. S.S. Mubaruk & Brothers Pte. Ltd., 2 Kallarg Avenue, 02-07 Kallang Bahru Complex, Singapore.

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PERSONAL EXCELLENCE

Hope and Performance

Psychologists are now finding that hope can do more than just offer solace or consolation. It can make a difference in one's performance.

In a study made by psychologist C. R. Snyder of the University of Kansas, it was found that students who scored high in hope performed better in college than those who did well in the SAT or Scholastic Achievement Test, which is very similar to an IQ test.

According to Snyder, "students with high hope set themselves higher goals and know how to work hard to attain them. When you compare students of equivalent intellectual aptitude on their academic achievements, what sets them apart is hope."

Daniel Goleman writes that "hope plays a surprisingly potent role in life," offering an advantage in realms as diverse as school achievement and bearing up in onerous jobs. . . . Having hope means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks. Indeed, people who are hopeful evidence less depression than others as they maneuver through life in pursuit of their goals, are less anxious in general, and have fewer emotional distresses.

Source: Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.

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MARITAL HARMONY

How to Disagree Healthily

Marriages are often broken when either or both parties lack certain emotional competencies that can prevent the erosion of the relationship especially during times of conflict. Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, suggests three skills that can be useful and which can overcome the negativities that can destroy marriages:

Source: Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.

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RELAXATION

Focal Point Technique of Relaxing

Here is a common meditation technique that induces relaxation response in the body.

Source: Reneau Z. Peurifoy, Anxiety, Phobias and Panic. Warner Books Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020, U.S.A.

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INNER PEACE

Three Guidelines for Periods of High Stress

Everyone faces times when stress is high. It may triggered by an unusual event or a crisis, such as a critical illness of a loved one or losing one's job. Or it may be due to many normal events that happen all at the same time. Here are guidelines as suggested by psychologist Reneau Peurifoy that you may find useful in coping with high stress:

Source: Reneau Z. Peurifoy, Anxiety, Phobias and Panic. Warner Books Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020, U.S.A.

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INTERRELIGIOUS UNDERSTANDING

Attend the Service of a Different Religion

Do something different this week, and here is a suggestion by Dr. Alan Epstein that can make a difference.

Source: Alan Epstein, Ph.D., How to Be Happier Day by Day. Viking Penguin, Penguin Books, Inc., 375 Hudson St., New York, NY 10014, U.S.A.

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HOME TIPS

Taking Action

Substitute natural products for moth balls. Commercial moth ball products emit hazardous fumes and contain hazardous contents. Natural moth repellants are available in various stores and through catalogs. Most often they contain cedar chips or shavings, or are simply small blocks of cedar. However, if you want to make your own repellant, combine one-half pound each of rosemary and mint, one-quarter pound of thyme, and two tablespoons of cloves. Place a portion of this mixture in a cloth, tie it at the top, and place it with your stored clothes.

Source: North American Conference on Religion and Ecology. The Mother Earth Handbook, edited by Judith S. Scherff, The Continuum Publishing Company, 370 Lexington Avenue, New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

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HOME TIPS

Nontoxic Alternatives for Your Home

Following is a list of substitutes for products that are hazardous.

Rodent poison - seal all holes with fine grade steel wool, use mouse traps.

Insect repellent - two teaspoons of liquid soap per gallon of water use pure soap.

Garden herbicides, insecticides, fungicides - many nontoxic garden insecticides are now available check with your local garden store.

Drain cleaners - commercial bacteria is now available for keeping drains open, or, use boiling water, plunger, metal snake.

Oven cleaners - steel wool and washing soda with small amount of water.

Toilet cleaners - scrub with brush using powdered soap and scouring powder of baking soda, borax, or table salt.

Silver polishes - rub with paste of baking soda and water.

Furniture polishes - damp cloth and rub with soft dry cloth.

General cleansers - mix two teaspoons borax and one teaspoon soda in one quart water. Store in spray bottle.

Window cleaners - vinegar and water

Laundry bleach - one-half cup borax per wash load

Dyes - use vegetable dyes such as onion skins, teas, marigolds

Motor oil, brake and transmission fluid - (dispose of at recycling center)

Antifreeze - place directly in sewer Car batteries (take to recycling center)

Old, lead paints - use water-based (latex) paint, do not use aerosol sprays

Source: Most suggestions are from Greenpeace Action giveaway, "Everyone's Guide to Toxins in the Home." The Mother Earth Handbook, edited by Judith S. Scherff, The Continuum Publishing Company, 370 Lexington Avenue, New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.

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HEALTH AND HEALING

Laughter in the Morning

Here is a way of improving your immune system: A hearty laughter every day, and a healthy degree of emotional detachment.

Dr. Susan Smith Jones suggests this exercise:

Every morning for the next week, when you wake up, let the very first thing you do before anything else - before thinking about your day, before going to the bathroom, even before getting out of bed - is to laugh for at least thirty seconds.

Commit to doing it for seven days in a row and see for yourself what a difference it will make. If you live with other people, encourage them to do the same thing.

Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully, Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707, U.S.A.

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INNER PEACE

How to Cope with Boredom

Boredom may not seem like a serious problem, but when it is not handled in time it may become a danger and lead the person to depression, recklessness or unwise risk-taking. Here are some steps to deal with boredom:

Source: Dr. S.C. Chopra, How to Solve Your Personal Problems. S.S. Mubaruk & Brothers Pte. Ltd. 2 Kallarg Avenue, 02-07 Kallang Bahru Complex, Singapore

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ECOLOGY

10 Simple Things You Can Do To Save The Earth

  1. Take showers of five minutes or less instead of bath. This saves water and energy.
  2. Don't leave the water running while brushing your teeth or shaving. This saves water and energy.
  3. Keep your refrigerator between 38o to 40oF and freezers between 0o and 5oF. Use warm or cold water cycle when washing clothes. All these steps save water and energy.
  4. Use cloth diapers. Disposables, while convenient, take 500 years to decompose and consume an incredible amount of resources to manufacture.
  5. Request paper bags or cartoon at your grocery store and re-use them. Better yet, bring your own canvas or string when you shop.
  6. Don't use styrofoam. It is absolutely non-biodegradable, and is deadly to marine life.
  7. Use a low phosphate or phosphate-free detergent. Phosphates are a leading cause of dead lakes and streams.
  8. Use steel-belted radial tires whenever possible and keep them inflated to the recommended pressure.
  9. Tune up your car at the recommended intervals. This saves gas and reduce air pollution.
  10. Use "low flow" shower heads to conserve water and energy.

Source: From a leaflet of the Rotary Club of Makati Dasmari¤as, Makati City, Philippines

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POEM

Anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered,

LOVE THEM ANYWAY

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies,

SUCCEED ANYWAY

The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow,

DO GOOD ANYWAY

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,

BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY

What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight,

BUILD ANYWAY

People really need help but may attack you if you help them,

HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth,

GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE GOT ANYWAY.

From a sign on the wall of Shishu Bhavan, the Children's home in Calcutta.

Source: Mother Teresa: A Simple Path, compiled by Lucinda Vardey, Ballantine Books, New York, NY 10022 U.S.A.

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RESOURCES

Peace Quotes

The Greatest Disease

"The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty - it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There's a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God." - MOTHER TERESA

A Lesson from Women

Gandhi once declared that it was his wife who unwittingly taught him the effectiveness of nonviolence. Who better than women should know that battles can be won without resort to physical strength? Who better than we should know all the power that resides in noncooperation? - BARBARA DEMING
I never kill a bird or other animal without feeling bad inside. All true hunters must have that feeling that prevents them from killing just for killing's sake. There is no fun in just destroying life, and the Great Spirit puts that shadow in your heart when you destroy his creatures. - JOE FRIDAY, WOODS CREE INDIAN
Two-thirds of All Governments spend more to guard their populations against military attack than against all the enemies of good health, while according to some estimates 70% of people die from preventable diseases. - Housmans Peace Diary

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Prepared by:
Peace Center
Theosophical Society in the Philippines
tspeace@info.com.ph