Table of Contents
How to Build Personal Trust
A report issued by the Forum Corporation shows that humility helps
build trust with colleagues.
By admitting doubt or error and acknowledging mistakes, managers
were felt to be competent. Co-workers thought," I can trust
you. You won't try to bluff me."
The report also found that those who were rated highly trustworthy
were also rated highly competent. And that to build trust, you
must be seen as a collaborator, not a competitor.
Source: Leaders, Allstate Insurance Company,
condensed in Communication Briefings, 700 Black House Pike,
Suite 108, Blackwood, NJ 08012, U.S.A.
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21 Days To a Habit
Experts have discovered that if you repeat an action every day
for 21 days, it will become a part of your subconscious mind.
Hence if you wish your child to develop a habit, help him to sustain
the behavior for three weeks. Be patient. After that, he will
find that he is doing it automatically.
Source: Parents Make the Difference!, P.O.
Box 7474, Fairfax Station, VA 22039-7474, U.S.A.
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Three Simple Keys to Friendliness
Teach your children simple reminders on how to be friendly and
effective in dealing with people.
First, ask them what are the three key words they learned in order
to cross streets safely (Stop, Look and Listen).
Tell them that there is another simple three-word phrase that
will help them to be automatically friendly and well liked. It
is "Smile, Ask, and Listen."
- A smile brightens the day for those who give and receive
it.
- A question gets conversations started and lets the
other person know you are interested in him or her.
- Genuine listening helps you learn about and know someone,
and shows him or her that you care.
Make "Smile, Ask and Listen" your family motto for this
month. Exemplify it to your children and talk with them about
it at every opportunity.
Source: Linda and Richard Eyre, Teaching Your
Children Values. Simon & Schuster, 1230 Avenue of the
Americas, NY, NY, U.S.A.
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What You See Is What You Get
Author Jane Nelson, in Positive Discipline, says:
When you spend 85 percent of your time and energy focusing on
the 15 percent that is negative, the negative will grow and the
positive will disappear. What you see is what you get. If you
focus 85% of your time on the positive, it won't be long before
the negative disappears and the positive will grow to 100%.
Source: Jane Nelsen, Positive Discipline.
Ballantine Books, Random House Inc., New York.
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Health Tips
Here are some health tips from Dr. Susan Smith Jones:
- Vegetarians are on the average thinner than non-vegetarians,
despite greater caloric intake, and have greater sex drive. Eating
more vegetables and less meat increases one's energy and vitality.
- Lonely people have higher levels of cholesterol.
- Developing a sense of intimacy can enhance our health,
our well-being, even our survival.
- People with good social contacts tend to have lower
blood cholesterol level and better immune functions.
- Eating a vegetable-rich diet does not necessarily raise
your intake of pesticide residues. The pesticide content of fruits
and vegetables is well below that of meat, which comes from animals
raised on pesticide-sprayed crops. To minimize your intake of
potential toxins, buy organic produce.
Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully,
Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707,
U.S.A.
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Self-Awareness: An Important Key to Parenting
Our attitudes and conditioned behavior often determine our responses
to our children and their problems. For example, when we are bothered
by a problem in the office, we may not notice that we are unintentionally
being rude or inconsiderate to our children at home. When we react
in anger towards a misbehavior of our children, we tend to be
more violent (whether physically or by words) towards them. Self-awareness
of our feelings at all times will help prevent unintended behavior
which can harm your children.
Here are simple steps towards self-awareness:
- While you are reading this, breathe in and out deeply.
As you do so, notice whether your body is tense or relaxed, such
as your arms, neck, hands, abdomen, etc. As you breathe out, notice
whether your body is spontaneously relaxing itself while you are
aware. Do not be anxious to relax yourself. Just be aware.
- Be aware of your feelings as you continue your breathing.
Again, do not be anxious to change any of your feelings. Just
be aware. If you are angry, be aware of the anger without judging
or justifying it.
- Then try to be aware of your thinking - your motives,
preferences, attitudes, etc. at this moment. (This may need more
privacy and silence.) Again, do not judge or justify, that is,
avoid saying that it is right or wrong, good or bad. Awareness
is just awareness.
Notice any difference between your state now and a few minutes
ago. Without trying to change anything, did you become more relaxed
and calm?
Try to enter into this state of calmness as often as you can,
no matter what you are doing.
When dealing with children from this state of calmness, our responses
and decisions tend to be wiser and less impulsive. We acquire
greater patience and understanding. We tend to be better listeners
when we are aware.
Self-awareness works extremely well not only with our children,
but also with our spouse, officemates, and friends. Try it.
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If You Must Criticize
Effective criticism and feedback is a delicate art. When poorly
done, criticism will only cause resentment and the person criticized
will tend to be defensive and justify his or her actions. Here
are some suggestions for giving criticism or feedback:
- See yourself as a teacher or coach - as being helpful.
Keep in mind that you're trying to help someone improve.
- Show you care. Express your sincere concern about sharing
ways the other person can boost his or her success.
- Pick the right moment to offer criticism. Make sure
the person has not been shaken by some incident.
- Avoid telling people they "should do such
and such" or "should have done such and such."
"Shoulds" make you appear rigid and pedantic.
- Avoid giving the impression that you're more concerned
with seeing your recommendations put into practice than in helping
the other person improve.
- Show how the person will benefit from taking the actions
you suggest.
- Give specific suggestions. Being vague might only make
the situation worse by creating anxiety and doubt. Be sure you
can take criticism yourself. If not, you may not be perceived
as a credible source.
Source: Jane Boucher, How to Love the Job You
Hate. Thomas Nelson Publishers, P.O. Box 141000, Nashville,
TN 37214, U.S.A. Condensed in Communication Briefings,
700 Black House Pike, Suite 108, Blackwood, NJ 08012, U.S.A.
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Stand Tall and Feel Confident
Lacking self-confidence?
You may wish to look at your habitual posture. Do you slouch?
Bow your head down? Curl your shoulders forward? Sit in knots?
If so, then here is a simple thing you can do to improve your
self-esteem: Stand Tall.
Says Catherine E. Rollins, author of 52 Ways to Build Your
Self-esteem and Confidence:
"This observation holds true regardless of age, sex, race,
physical stature, or beauty: The person with high esteem stands
up straight, sits tall, and walks with boldness. The person with
low self-esteem slouches, slinks, bows his head down, curls his
shoulders forward, and frequently sits in knots."
If you decide to build your self-confidence, make a second decision:
I'm going to "move tall" this day forward. Shoulders
back and head up. A bold stride. A square-to-the-world attitude
.Not only will you gain self-confidence. Here are other benefits:
- You will feel better physically.
- You will feel better psychologically. Stand tall sends
a signal to your brain that will soon make you thinking tall.
- Others will treat you with more respect. They are less
likely to put you down. Think "tall and straight" today!
Source: Catherine E. Rollins, 52 Ways to Build
Your Self-Esteem and Confidence. Thomas Nelson, Inc. Nashville,
Tennessee.
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How Can You Volunteer?
Many readers of Peace Ideas want to be involved in some
cause that they feel worthwhile, but don't know how to start.
Here are some suggestions adapted from Richard Zimmerman's book
What Can I Do to Make A Difference?:
- Choose an issue. Identify what issue concerns you most.
It may be on peace, drugs, media, ecology, animal welfare, etc.
Once you have chosen, stick to it in a sustained way.
- Think of what you can do. It is important to remember
that you can help, no matter how overwhelming the issue is.
- Realize that you can make a difference. If your concern
for example is illiteracy, arranging for tutoring of a few people
is already part of the total national solution. If you focus on
what you can do, you will be more confident that you can make
a difference.
- Contact organizations. Identify organizations which
you may like to work with. Ask around or make phone calls. Peace
Ideas occasionally lists organizations who are involved in
volunteer work.
Source: Richard Zimmerman, What Can I Do To Make
A Difference? Penguin Books USA Inc. 375 Hudson St., New York,
NY
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Eco-Action Beyond Band-Aids
If you wish to be really helpful and effective in environmental
work, there are two guidelines suggested by author Jon Naar which
you must always keep in mind:
- Go to the root of the problem. Go beyond the symptoms
(such as cleaning the dirt of coal smokestack) and go to the cause
(burning coal) and eliminating it (by switching to clean fuel,
or using conservation to make power plant unnecessary.
- Be prepared to make changes. The health of a system
depends on its ability to change. So long as a biological, political
or energy system responds to its environment, it stays healthy
- otherwise, it gets sick, that is, it pollutes. If we want clean
air, clean water, safe food or accountable politics, we have to
remove the underlying causes of the pollution. This means changing
unhealthy systems and institutions and, in so doing, we will change
ourselves. Like charity, the process of protecting and cleaning
up the environment begins at home.
Source: Jon Naar, Design for a Livable Planet.
Harper & Row, 10 East 53rd St., New York, NY, 10022, U.S.A.
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Coping With Mid-Life Crisis
Mid-life crisis can take many forms, such as boredom, restlessness,
discontent with work, family or leisure, feeling old and negative,
directionlessness, sense of futility, fear of death, loneliness,
etc.
Here are suggestions by Dr. S. C. Chopra on how to cope with such
crisis:
- Create a map of your life. On a sheet of paper, write
"Birth" at the top and "Age 10" at the bottom.
Make an additional separate sheet for each of the ten-year period
of your life: 11-20, 21-30, and so on up to the present. On these
sheets, write the events that have been important in your life
so far, or events that you predict will be important in the future,
and the goals you would like to achieve. Put red X's beside the
various turning points in you life, such as job changes, marriage,
or death of a parent. This map will help you gain perspective
on your life courses. Keep it up-to-date, including changes in
your goals. The crisis of middle age can be relieved and transformed
into a healthy concern for creating a meaningful life.
- List the people who are important to you. Promise yourself
that you will give high priority to doing what is necessary to
honor and strength-en your relationships with them.
- Try to celebrate mid-life events in ways that will
help you feel their significance. Make a ritual or a symbolic
gesture of letting go of the past and welcoming the future.
- Make some friends who are five or ten years older than
you. Observe how they cope with mid-life transition, and talk
to them about their feelings and strategies.
- Allow the initial stressful impact of the crisis to
wear off before you worry that it will overwhelm you permanently.
- Use the crisis to motivate you to pursue a better diet
and exercise program. The fear of aging and death can be a powerful
stimulus for people to value their health.
- Give primary concern to nutrition at middle age.
- Consider whether this is the time when you are ready for more
philosophy, religion or some other source of meaning.
- Develop the habit of letting go graciously, such as
unattainable ambitions, friends, vanities, etc.
- Cope with it your way. It is your life and crisis,
and no one else's. Create your own timetable. Talk to other people,
read books, but evolve your own approaches.
Source: Dr. S.C. Chopra, How to Solve Your Personal
Problems. S.S. Mubaruk & Brothers Pte. Ltd., 2 Kallarg
Avenue, 02-07 Kallang Bahru Complex, Singapore.
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Hope and Performance
Psychologists are now finding that hope can do more than just
offer solace or consolation. It can make a difference in one's
performance.
In a study made by psychologist C. R. Snyder of the University
of Kansas, it was found that students who scored high in hope
performed better in college than those who did well in the SAT
or Scholastic Achievement Test, which is very similar to an IQ
test.
According to Snyder, "students with high hope set themselves
higher goals and know how to work hard to attain them. When you
compare students of equivalent intellectual aptitude on their
academic achievements, what sets them apart is hope."
Daniel Goleman writes that "hope plays a surprisingly potent
role in life," offering an advantage in realms as diverse
as school achievement and bearing up in onerous jobs. . . . Having
hope means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety,
a defeatist attitude, or depression in the face of difficult challenges
or setbacks. Indeed, people who are hopeful evidence less depression
than others as they maneuver through life in pursuit of their
goals, are less anxious in general, and have fewer emotional distresses.
Source: Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.
Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.
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MARITAL HARMONY
How to Disagree Healthily
Marriages are often broken when either or both parties lack certain
emotional competencies that can prevent the erosion of the relationship
especially during times of conflict. Daniel Goleman, in his book
Emotional Intelligence, suggests three skills that can
be useful and which can overcome the negativities that can destroy
marriages:
- Being able to calm down, as well as calm your partner.
- Empathy, or the capacity to feel with the other person.
- Listening well, not just to the words but to the nonverbal
messages as well.
Source: Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.
Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.
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Focal Point Technique of Relaxing
Here is a common meditation technique that induces relaxation
response in the body.
- Find privacy and sit in a comfortable position.
- Close your eyes and choose a center of focus. This
is a word or phrase that helps shift your mind from logical, externally-oriented
thought to an internal, passive center of focus and stops the
mind wandering when it occurs. The most common focal point is
a word such as "one," "calm," or "relax."
A short phrase can also be used such as "relax and be at
peace." Many people like to use words or phrases that have
a spiritual or religious meaning.
- People who are very visual find it useful to develop
a secondary focal point in the form of a mental image that forms
a background for the use of the word or phrase chosen. Examples
include a mental image of a calm lake or a religious figure. If
they keep their eyes open, it can be a candle, statue.
- Repeat your word or phrase each time you exhale. Adopt
a passive attitude. Your mind will occasionally slip away from
its concentration on the word you have chosen. When this happens,
don't panic or abandon your practice. It is normal. Redirect your
mind to your breathing and continue repeating the word as you
exhale.
- Do this for 10 or 20 minutes then open your eyes and
resume your normal activities.
Source: Reneau Z. Peurifoy, Anxiety, Phobias and
Panic. Warner Books Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New
York, NY 10020, U.S.A.
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Three Guidelines for Periods of High Stress
Everyone faces times when stress is high. It may triggered by
an unusual event or a crisis, such as a critical illness of a
loved one or losing one's job. Or it may be due to many normal
events that happen all at the same time. Here are guidelines as
suggested by psychologist Reneau Peurifoy that you may find useful
in coping with high stress:
- Set priorities and reduce your overall activity. Since
stress drains energy, you have less energy during times of high
stress. Choose which ones are important. Ask, "what really
needs to be done now? What can I let go of until some other time?"
- Spend extra time with decisions. The greater the stress,
the more likely it is that you will make poor decisions. If possible,
avoid major decisions during times of high stress. But if you
have to decide, do two things: First, take more time to make the
decision. Second, consult with people you trust and who are objective.
They may see problems that you did not think of due to the stress.
- Plan ahead and take action during times when stress
is low. Often, you know ahead of time when a period of high stress
is coming, such as when a large increase of work is expected.
Plan ahead and make decisions in advance to lessen the pressure
later.
Source: Reneau Z. Peurifoy, Anxiety, Phobias and
Panic. Warner Books Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New
York, NY 10020, U.S.A.
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Attend the Service of a Different Religion
Do something different this week, and here is a suggestion by
Dr. Alan Epstein that can make a difference.
- Attend a church service of a different religion. If
you are a Catholic, look for a Jewish or Baptist service. If you
are a Buddhist, try a Christian or Islamic prayer meeting. Look
for Baha'i meetings, or a Korean Presbyterian church. Just tell
the members of the congregation that you practice another faith,
and would like to sit and observe their service. They will likely
welcome you.
- While you are there, try to see the similarities between
your faith and the one you are visiting. Be aware also of the
differences. Is the spirit of the service and the people the same
as your own faith's?
- Reflect upon the fact that people everywhere are committing
atrocities in the name of their particular faith, and have done
so for thousands of years. See if you can come up with one way
you can help bridge the gap between faiths, to help people understand
that they are more alike than they are different.
- Thank the minister, priest, rabbi, or whoever was in
charge of the service, and invite him or her to your house of
worship as your personal guest. Just be careful that they do not
misinterpret that you went there in order to win them to your
own faith. Be sincere in your offer for friendship.
Source: Alan Epstein, Ph.D., How to Be Happier
Day by Day. Viking Penguin, Penguin Books, Inc., 375 Hudson
St., New York, NY 10014, U.S.A.
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Taking Action
Substitute natural products for moth balls. Commercial moth ball
products emit hazardous fumes and contain hazardous contents.
Natural moth repellants are available in various stores and through
catalogs. Most often they contain cedar chips or shavings, or
are simply small blocks of cedar. However, if you want to make
your own repellant, combine one-half pound each of rosemary and
mint, one-quarter pound of thyme, and two tablespoons of cloves.
Place a portion of this mixture in a cloth, tie it at the top,
and place it with your stored clothes.
Source: North American Conference on Religion and
Ecology. The Mother Earth Handbook, edited by Judith S.
Scherff, The Continuum Publishing Company, 370 Lexington Avenue,
New York, NY 10017, U.S.A.
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Nontoxic Alternatives for Your Home
Following is a list of substitutes for products that are hazardous.
Rodent poison - seal all holes with fine grade steel wool,
use mouse traps.
Insect repellent - two teaspoons of liquid soap per gallon
of water use pure soap.
Garden herbicides, insecticides, fungicides - many nontoxic
garden insecticides are now available check with your local garden
store.
Drain cleaners - commercial bacteria is now available for
keeping drains open, or, use boiling water, plunger, metal snake.
Oven cleaners - steel wool and washing soda with small
amount of water.
Toilet cleaners - scrub with brush using powdered soap
and scouring powder of baking soda, borax, or table salt.
Silver polishes - rub with paste of baking soda and water.
Furniture polishes - damp cloth and rub with soft dry cloth.
General cleansers - mix two teaspoons borax and one teaspoon
soda in one quart water. Store in spray bottle.
Window cleaners - vinegar and water
Laundry bleach - one-half cup borax per wash load
Dyes - use vegetable dyes such as onion skins, teas, marigolds
Motor oil, brake and transmission fluid - (dispose of at
recycling center)
Antifreeze - place directly in sewer Car batteries (take
to recycling center)
Old, lead paints - use water-based (latex) paint, do not
use aerosol sprays
Source: Most suggestions are from Greenpeace Action
giveaway, "Everyone's Guide to Toxins in the Home."
The Mother Earth Handbook, edited by Judith S. Scherff,
The Continuum Publishing Company, 370 Lexington Avenue, New York,
NY 10017, U.S.A.
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Laughter in the Morning
Here is a way of improving your immune system: A hearty laughter
every day, and a healthy degree of emotional detachment.
Dr. Susan Smith Jones suggests this exercise:
Every morning for the next week, when you wake up, let the very
first thing you do before anything else - before thinking about
your day, before going to the bathroom, even before getting out
of bed - is to laugh for at least thirty seconds.
Commit to doing it for seven days in a row and see for yourself
what a difference it will make. If you live with other people,
encourage them to do the same thing.
Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully,
Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707,
U.S.A.
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How to Cope with Boredom
Boredom may not seem like a serious problem, but when it is not
handled in time it may become a danger and lead the person to
depression, recklessness or unwise risk-taking. Here are some
steps to deal with boredom:
- Enhance your sense of self-worth by doing something
that has meaning for you and developing your good feelings about
yourself.
- Be creative. In a sense, you cure yourself of boredom
by unbalancing your life. Give up the security of the way things
are. Grope for a chance at increasing your sense of wholeness.
- Sometimes boredom is the result of poor physical condition,
inadequate diet, or lack of exercise. Do active physical exercise.
- Take responsibility for shifting your attention from
the thing that bores you to something more engaging. Use your
memory to re-enjoy pleasant or stimulating past events.
- If you anticipate a boring wait, plan ahead: take along
a book, crossword puzzles, needlepoint, etc.
- Boredom sometimes signals an important life transition.
You must seriously think about what you really want to do.
- Clarify your life goals and short term goals, and set
a timetable to pursue them.
- Create space in which to have fun and to be spontaneous.
Source: Dr. S.C. Chopra, How to Solve Your Personal
Problems. S.S. Mubaruk & Brothers Pte. Ltd. 2 Kallarg
Avenue, 02-07 Kallang Bahru Complex, Singapore
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10 Simple Things You Can Do To Save The Earth
- Take showers of five minutes or less instead of bath. This
saves water and energy.
- Don't leave the water running while brushing your teeth or
shaving. This saves water and energy.
- Keep your refrigerator between 38o to 40oF
and freezers between 0o and 5oF. Use warm or cold water cycle
when washing clothes. All these steps save water and energy.
- Use cloth diapers. Disposables, while convenient, take 500
years to decompose and consume an incredible amount of resources
to manufacture.
- Request paper bags or cartoon at your grocery store and re-use
them. Better yet, bring your own canvas or string when you shop.
- Don't use styrofoam. It is absolutely non-biodegradable, and
is deadly to marine life.
- Use a low phosphate or phosphate-free detergent. Phosphates
are a leading cause of dead lakes and streams.
- Use steel-belted radial tires whenever possible and keep them
inflated to the recommended pressure.
- Tune up your car at the recommended intervals. This saves
gas and reduce air pollution.
- Use "low flow" shower heads to conserve water and
energy.
- We Only Have 10 Years To Save Our Planet. It Starts With You
and It's Easy.
- Buy Environmentally Sound Product.
- Pressure Political Leaders.
- Turn Off Lights.
- Car Pool.
- Recycle.
Source: From a leaflet of the Rotary Club of Makati
Dasmari¤as, Makati City, Philippines
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Anyway
People are unreasonable, illogical, and
self-centered,
LOVE THEM ANYWAY
If you do good, people will accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives,
DO GOOD ANYWAY
If you are successful, you win false friends
and true enemies,
SUCCEED ANYWAY
The good you do will be forgotten tomorrow,
DO GOOD ANYWAY
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,
BE HONEST AND FRANK
ANYWAY
What you spent years building may be destroyed
overnight,
BUILD ANYWAY
People really need help but may attack
you if you help them,
HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY
Give the world the best you have and you'll
get kicked in the teeth,
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE GOT
ANYWAY.
From a sign on the wall of Shishu Bhavan, the Children's home
in Calcutta.
Source: Mother Teresa: A Simple Path, compiled
by Lucinda Vardey, Ballantine Books, New York, NY 10022 U.S.A.
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Peace Quotes
The Greatest Disease
"The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy;
it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical
diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair,
and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are
dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a
little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty
- it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality.
There's a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God."
- MOTHER TERESA
A Lesson from Women
Gandhi once declared that it was his wife who unwittingly taught
him the effectiveness of nonviolence. Who better than women should
know that battles can be won without resort to physical strength?
Who better than we should know all the power that resides in noncooperation?
- BARBARA DEMING
I never kill a bird or other animal without feeling bad inside.
All true hunters must have that feeling that prevents them from
killing just for killing's sake. There is no fun in just destroying
life, and the Great Spirit puts that shadow in your heart when
you destroy his creatures. - JOE FRIDAY, WOODS CREE INDIAN
Two-thirds of All Governments spend more to guard their populations
against military attack than against all the enemies of good health,
while according to some estimates 70% of people die from preventable
diseases. - Housmans Peace Diary
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Prepared by:
Peace Center
Theosophical Society in the Philippines
tspeace@info.com.ph