Issue No. 18

Table of Contents



PERSONAL EXCELLENCE

Don't Belittle Yourself

Do you say to yourself "I don't deserve this," or calling yourself stupid or other derogatory terms?

If so, stop it.

Play it straight. And you don't need to say something that make you sound proud. Instead of saying something which belittles yourself, say nothing at all. Or just say, "Thank you."

People tend to think of you as you tell them to think. Therefore, tell them well.

Source: Catherine E. Rollins, 52 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem and Confidence. Thomas Nelson, Inc. Nashville, Tennessee.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PERSONAL EXCELLENCE

There is No Such Thing as Failure

There are only results, says Anthony Robbins, best-selling author of many self-change books. Many people have been programmed to fear this thing called failure. Successful people see only results. They don't see failure. People who believe in failure are almost guaranteed a mediocre existence. Robbins reminds us of the following life history of a man whom you surely know:

The man's name was Abraham Lincoln. Could he have become president if he had seen his election losses as failures?

Belief in failure, says Robbins, is a way of poisoning the mind. When we store negative emotions, we affect our physiology, our thinking process, and our state.

Commit yourself to learning from every experience. Cross out the word "failure." Circle the word "outcome" or "result."

Source: Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power. Simon & Schuster Ltd., West Garden Place, Kendal St., London W2 2AQ, U.K.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


SELF-MASTERY

Don't Take Things for Granted

In life, says author Peter Ling, we take many things for granted.

For example, just because you feel healthy may not necessarily mean your are healthy. You may be active one day and the next day you find that you have a malignant tumor. Detecting the problem early can make a life and death difference.

Parents assume that their children are doing well in school until they find, sometimes too late, that their children have been on drugs, mixing with bad company, committing crimes, etc.

Some bosses think that their key workers are honest until they discover that some have absconded with funds.

Some assumptions are harmless, but others are risky.

Spare a moment to sit back, think and reflect about what's going on around you. Be more proactive and observant. Get more facts. Think more. The extra effort could make life happier for you.

Source: Peter Ling, Thoughts for Effective Living. Heinemann Asia, 37 Jalan Pemimpin, #07-04/05, Block B, Union Industrial Building, Singapore 2057.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


INNER PEACE

Practice Trusting Others

A source of conflict, whether interpersonal or global, is lack of trust of others. And this stems from a personal uneasiness in trusting another person to do something well.

"If you learn to trust others," according to the best-selling book Anger Kills, "you can forgo the constant, often exhausting alertness for their misbehavior. You will find yourself in fewer situations in which you perceive others as acting badly, and this in turn will reduce your number of angry outbursts."

Here is a simple approach to start learning to trust others, according to Anger Kills:

Source: Redford Williams and Virginia Williams, Anger Kills. HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


INNER PEACE

The Quality of Your Day

We hate to hear this, but it is true: Even when we're grief stricken, racked with pain, sick from worry, deeply depressed, squeezed by circumstances -- how we greet, meet, and complete each day is our choosing.

Author Sarah Ban Breathnach endorses this piece of ancient wisdom through her own experience. She conducted a secret personal experiment to see just how much influence she had on the day's character. The first words says in the morning are: "Thank you for the gift of this wonderful day." Here are here findings. "You will not like them," she says, "Nor did I."

Source: Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance. Warner Books, Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, N.Y. 10020, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

How to Kill Good Ideas

Here are ten tried and trusted ways to kill good ideas and enthusiasm of your co-workers, from Promod Batra's compilation, Management Thoughts:

When you kill somebody's good idea, you kill a little of that person too!

Source: Promod Batra, Management Thoughts. Golden Books Centre Sdn. Bhd., 14, 1st floor, Lorong Bunus Enam, Off Jalan Masjid India, 50100 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


HEALTH AND HEALING

Some Health Tips

Dr. Susan Smith Jones suggests these healthy food tips:

Susan Smith Jones, Choose to Live Each Day Fully, Celestial Arts Publishing, P.O. Box 7123, Berkeley, CA 94707, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


ENVIRONMENT

Do Not Collect Butterflies

Butterflies are a good indicator of the state of our environment, says 1,001 Ways to Save the Planet. When there is a lot of them around, it generally means that the local ecology is good. They have been declining over the years however, due to pesticides, loss of habitat and climatic changes. Many butterfly species are now considered endangered. Do not take part in the decline of these beautiful animals by collecting and mounting them up. Let us enjoy them as they are, rather than as hardened specimen on the wall.

Source: Bernadette Vallely, 1,001 Ways to Save the Planet. Ballantine Books, Random House, Inc. New York, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

Let Yourself Cry

When was the last time you cried? How did it feel?

Crying, says Dr. Alan Epstein, is a great way to release the buildup of accumulated tensions, and it can make you feel tremendously alive to sob quietly or out loud. Here are his suggestions:

Source: Alan Epstein, Ph.D., How to Be Happier Day by Day. Viking Penguin, Penguin Books, Inc., 375 Hudson St., New York, NY 10014, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


HEALTH AND HEALING

Suggestions for Sleeping Problems

Chronic loss of sleep can increase your symptoms of anxiety and affect your health, relationships and overall effectiveness. If loss of sleep is associated with sadness, it can lead to a major depression. Here are some general guidelines suggested by psychologist R. Z. Peurifoy for reducing sleep problems:

Source: Reneau Z. Peurifoy, Anxiety, Phobias and Panic. Warner Books Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


THE ART OF LIVING

If You Have Only Six Months To Live

For today, live differently. Live today as if you have been told that you have only six months to live. You had already gotten over the shock of disbelief, and you are now doing everything with that knowledge.

How does making peace feel?

Source: Alan Epstein, Ph.D., How to Be Happier Day by Day. Viking Penguin, Penguin Books, Inc., 375 Hudson St., New York, NY 10014, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PARENTING

Don't Rescue Children from Low-Risk Failures

We learn from mistakes, disappointments, and temporary defeats. So will our children. When our children are protected from temporary failures, they won't learn from the experience. Here is an advice from the book 20 Teachable Virtues by authors Barbara C. Unell and Jerry L. Wyckoff:

"In order for children to learn how to be patient and cope with frustration and adversity, they must experience failure. That is not to say that they must fail a grade in school or permanently scar themselves, but they should be exposed to life's little failures.

"For example, if your child forgets to take his homework to school, he must suffer the consequences at school without being rescued by your bringing the homework to school for him. During this failure experience, be caring and empathic so that your child has support, but don't take the consequences away.

"Without dealing with consequences and the minor suffering that accompanies it, children will have difficulty in learning to cope with frustration and adversity, an experience that teaches them patience and living with their decisions."

Source: Barbara C. Unell and Jerry L. Wyckoff, 20 Teachable Virtues. A Perigee Book, The Berkley Publishing Group, 200 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10016, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


INNER PEACE

Act As If

When things are not turning out well, whether in relationships, sleeping habits, etc., it may be worthwhile looking into our own attitudes and feelings. Author Michele Weiner-Davis has a suggestion that has worked with many people. She calls it "Act as if."

Suppose you have to deal with a person whom you find disagreeable and obnoxious. You tend to show your irritation or displeasure by cutting him off when he is talking. You know that you offend him by behaving this way, but you seem to be unable to help it. Here is where you can try out "Act as if."

Try to answer this question: "What would you do differently if you liked him?"

Perhaps you'll say that you will be more patient when talking to him, or remind yourself that this person has family problems which make him irritable, or discuss the things that he likes. Now, next time you meet the person, act as if you like him, and see what happens. This does not mean that you like him, but act as if you do. And see what happens.

This approach has created wonderful changes in relationships as well as changes in attitudes. Try it with anything that irritates you. Suppose you have to queue, and you feel irritated for waiting. Act as if you are enjoying the wait. What would you do?

Source: Michele Weiner-Davis, Change Your Life and Everyone In It. Fireside Book, Simon & Schuster, Rockefeleer Center, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, N.Y., U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


HEALTH

How to Reduce Stress

Here are some effective suggestions for reducing stress from Caring for the Mind:

Source: Dianne Hales and Robert E. Hales, M.D., Caring for the Mind. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


INNER PEACE

Keeping a Gratitude Journal

Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests a simple but effective key to rediscovering the joys and meaning of life -- keep a daily "Gratitude Journal."

Before going to bed, write down five things that you can be grateful about that day. They can be very simple things like enjoying a piece of old music, or finding your son safe from a sudden storm.

When you had a rough day and you have a tougher time listing down events to be grateful for, don't forget the basic things: your health, your spouse, your children, your house, your pet dog, etc.

You will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And, says Sarah, "you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you."

Try it. The Gratitude Journal may change the course of your life.

Source: Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance. Warner Books, Inc. 1271 Avenue of the Americas, New York, N.Y. 10020, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


ENVIRONMENT

Avoid Using Mothballs

Mothballs, according to the book 1,001 Ways to Save the Planet, are made from chemicals which are highly toxic if swallowed, such as 1,4 dichlorobenzene, paradichlorobenzene or naphthalene. Studies have found cancers caused by these substances in laboratory animals. Long-term exposure can cause kidney and liver damage. Using mothballs means that you spread the vapors and particles of this chemical through your clothes continuously.

Try lavender bags as a safer and cheaper substitute. Lavender plants belong to the mint family and their leaves have a fragrant scent.

Also, keep your clothes clean to stop the buildup of both eggs.

Source: Bernadette Vallely, 1,001 Ways to Save the Planet. Ballantine Books, Random House, Inc. New York, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


MARITAL HARMONY

Harsh Criticism: A Danger Signal in Marriages

One of the early warning signals that a marriage is in danger is when one partner starts giving harsh criticisms to the other. Harsh criticisms are different from complaints in that the former expresses an attack on the spouse's character.

Author Daniel Goleman cites an example: In a complaint, a wife states specifically what is upsetting her, and criticizes her husband's action, not her husband, saying how it made her feel: "When you forgot to pick up my clothes, it made me feel like you don't care about me." It is an expression of basic emotional intelligence: assertive, not belligerent or passive. But in a personal criticism she uses the specific grievance to launch a global attack on her husband: "You're always so selfish and uncaring. It just proves I can't trust you to do anything right." This kind of criticism leaves the person feeling ashamed, disliked, blamed, and defective.

Goleman cites the findings of John Gottman, a psychologist in the University of Washington, who has done perhaps the most detailed analysis of the emotional glue that binds couples and the corrosive feelings that can destroy marriages. Gottman finds that when the criticism is laden with contempt, the effect on the marriages is more damaging. If a husband shows contempt regularly, the wife will be more prone to a range of health problems, from frequent colds and flues to bladder and yeast infections, as well as gastrointestinal symptoms.

Source: Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, N.Y. 10036, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


RESOURCES

Peace Quotes

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him. -- MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

Guard against the postures of pretended patriotism. -- GEORGE WASHINGTON

The abolition of war does not require anti-war, anti-military lobbies or demonstrations and protest, but the development of effective nonviolent alternatives to military struggle. -- GENE SHARP

Nonviolence is not a garment to be put on and off at will. Its seat is in the heart, and it must be an inseparable part of our being. -- MAHATMA GANDHI

Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. -- DAVE DELLINGER

Think about the kind of world you want to live and work in. What do you need to know to build the world? Demand that your teachers teach you that. -- KROPOTKIN

Most advocates of realism in this world are hopeless unrealistic. -- JAWAHARLAL NEHRU

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict -- alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence. -- DOROTHY THOMPSON

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask: "Mother, what was war?" -- EVE MERRIAM

Someday . . .
. . . after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -- PIERRE TEILHARD DE CHARDIN

Nothing can be politically right . . .
. . . that is morally wrong; and no necessity can ever sanctify a law that is contrary to equity. -- BENJAMIN RUSH

Help me to know . . .
. . . that my love's not complete until I have loved the oppressor. -- LEE DOMANN

We cannot have peace . . .
. . . if we are only concerned with peace. War is not an accident. It is the logical outcome of a certain way of life. If we want to attack war, we have to attack that way of life. -- A. J. MUSTE

I remember when Christian teachers told me long ago that I must hate a bad man's actions but not the man, I used think this is a silly straw-splitting distinction. How could you hate what a man did and not the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man for whom I had been doing this all my life - myself. -- C.S. LEWIS

Never say anything uncomplimentary about your wife in the presence of your children. -- H. JACKSON BROWN, JR., Life's Little Instruction Book

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PERSONAL INTEGRITY

How to Keep Your Word

Your word is one of the most precious things you own, says best-selling book Life 101. Do not give it lightly. Once given, do everything within your power not to break it. A broken word, like a broken cup, cannot hold very much for very long.

Here are a few suggestions from the book:

When you lovingly keep your word -- keep it safe, keep it strong, keep it true -- you will know the power of it. When you lend it to a cause -- especially one of your own choosing -- its effect will be powerful. Its effect will be known.

Source: John-Roger & Peter McWilliams, Life 101. Prelude Press, 8165 Mannix Drive, Los Angeles, Calif. 90046, U.S.A.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


HEALTH AND FAMILY

Fifteen Traits of the Healthy Family

What are common traits of a healthy and wholesome family. Psychologist Dolores Curran conducted a survey of 551 professionals who are involved with family matters and she came up with the following fifteen common traits of families who tend to be happy and harmonious:

The Healthy Family:
1. communicates and listens
2. affirms and supports one another
3. teaches respect for others
4. develops a sense of trust
5. has a sense of play and humor
6. exhibits a sense of shared responsibility
7. teaches a sense of right and wrong
8. has a strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound
9. has a balance of interaction among members
10. has a shared religious core
11. respects the privacy of one another
12. values service to others
13 fosters family table time and conversation
14. shares leisure time
15. admits to and seeks help with problems.

Source: Dolores Curran, Traits of Healthy Family. Published by Winston Press in 1983.

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu


PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS

How to Send Your Angry Letter

Once, Lincoln's Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton, was angered by an officer who disregarded an order. Stanton fumed: "I believe I'll sit down and give that man a piece of my mind."

"Do so," said Lincoln. "Write him now while you have it on your mind. Make it sharp. Cut him all up." Stanton wrote the letter and it was a furious one indeed. Stanton then mused aloud: "Whom shall I send it by?"

"Send it!" exclaimed Lincoln. "Why, don't send it at all. Tear it up. You have freed your mind on the subject, and that is all that is necessary. Tear it up. You never want to send such letter. I never do."

J. Maurus, Anecdotes of the Great. St. Paul Publications, 2650 F.B. Harrison, Pasay City, Philippines

Back to Table of Contents

Back to Main Menu



Prepared by:
Peace Center
Theosophical Society in the Philippines
tspeace@info.com.ph